Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
