I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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