The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
