i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
