That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
