Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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