with your own penis?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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