I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Randomize
