Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
