I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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