Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
