This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
