Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Just pee around me
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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