Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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