I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
