maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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