I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Randomize
