Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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