I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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