One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
