i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
