can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
