Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
