How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
