So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Randomize
