She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
