don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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