I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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