Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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