Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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