what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
