i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
It was like giving head to a cactus.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
