DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
