help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
birth control should be required to get into college
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
