dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
