Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
My dick has a subreddit
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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