She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
