then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
