wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
