I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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