i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
