I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
your room smells of hookers.
And success
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
