$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
