He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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