Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
NoShamevember. You game?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
