Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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