would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
