Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
