Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
