yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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