Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
