Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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