You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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