He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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