at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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